 |
| Just fitting In |
I feel like I finally am fitting-in in the world. There was always this place for me - and now I've learned to easily slide right into it.
Gosh. Is this the way I could have felt my whole life had I only learned how to live 50 years ago?
All the extra room I have in my brain for incoming activity - and the extra energy I have to give to others and myself is just astounding. Is this what happens when we empty our minds, bodies, and souls of negativity?? I mean, I didn't expect all of this - I only expected to feel better and become a better person, wife, mother, and person of the community. But I found it all comes with so much more.
The first thing I felt was FREE. Then the energy set in - along with the conscious deep breaths of appreciation. I have been so thankful ever since. I guess that will never go away.
Then, I began to see myself from a different angle - in a different light. Maybe I was then seeing myself for the first time as others do and always have. Awareness. That's what came next and just resonates now.
2 comments:
Yeah that fitting in thing. It's fine until I have to think about going to Egypt to finish the interior of my new flat. I dread going. The old insecurities and paranoia so easily creep back.
I have to stay with my sister in law who will be living a floor above me. Maybe for a few as ten days. Maybe less if I can manage. This girl is okay - not like the one who has spent the last ten years of my marriage sharing my husband grrrr. I'm so fed up with her that if I never see her again in my life or after life it will be too soon.
But yeah. I should be able to fly there. Settle for a day or two and get to the stores, pick out what I want and have the contractors begin to finish. I hope to do it all in a week.
I know that unlike me who puts up with WAY to much inconvenience, this girl will have enough after a few days. It would be great to be done there in just a few days and then travel to Cairo and spend a few with my precious Sittoo before coming back home to USA.
I hope my time there will go smoothly and I will find what I like for my flat. It would be nice to get in and get out unscathed emotionally and socially if you all know just what I mean.
Too bad every single thing in life has to be worked out like this all because of the abuse from the NM. Just really too bad. But it is what it really is and I am only too willing to do the work for a quality outcome.
As always I begin this trip with maybe this time it will go well - I will not get sick - I will enjoy my family there - and I will get out before staying too long as it warns us in the Quran and the Hadith.
I must have written this post right after confronting the BPD family member. It was so freeing all at once being rid of all negativity. What a boost to be rid of oppression and the last person on earth that was abusing me. You know, we are not put here to be abused. And if someone insists on doing so, we must not allow them the pleasure of doing so to us. It means moving on. Stepping away - getting out. It would be best to not ever allow it to begin with, but in the case of family members... you have to take this stand. And choose life. Energy and happiness. You can remember them and be thankful for the times that were good and the times too that were lessons - and mostly for the time you new enough to let it all go.
Post a Comment