Coming out Again.... Life was Waiting all Along....

Life.  It's a Good Thing.

Well, I'm finally coming out of the house and into society, after six years of near total isolation.

I started first shopping for a few items one day every week or every other week depending on my strength.  Then I began volunteering at the local animal shelter one to two days a week.

All along I've been wanting to enjoy friends again, but I knew getting stronger was first on the agenda.

All this time I lost touch with most of my friends, but one never let me go completely.  She never forgot me.  She wondered about me for the years I was in bed and hoped that she would see me again.  She called me many times over the years, while still giving me my space and time to do whatever it was I had to do to get better.

She invited me out so many times over the past couple of years since I've been out of bed, getting to this point - and I wasn't ready.  She was so wise to understand that I was still working on this whole thing, and she didn't ever get insulted.  She just knew that if I were well, and myself again, I would not decline so many invitations.  She knew it had nothing to do with how I felt about her, and for that I was hoping against hope.

Depression is a monster - a life threatening monster.  They say that it is actually anger turned inward.  So, I made it my business when I decided to live two years ago, to rid myself of the anger that was making me sick.  I believe that it is true about depression being from anger - because ever since I've really gotten it out of my mind, heart, and life - I've been better.  Now it's all about getting my weakened body back up to par, but that's happening.  The resiliency of the mind and body actually is amazing.

I feel like this is my last chance in life to choose life.  It may be the first time in my life I'm actually 'choosing' life, and so many other things.  I choose what I allow myself to ponder... what I think about.... and what I want in my mind.  I choose what I want in my life now, and harmful, negative things are no longer a part.  The thoughts for me are a major life change - the choosing of my thoughts.  This has freed up so much space in my mind, and I notice much more available energy.

Choosing life, and to have friends, enjoy the time, and use my energy for good, at fifty-two sounds normal to me... The years before fifty got me here.  This is the moment in life that matters.  The here and now.  A friend of ours died at 40 yesterday.  Nobody ever expected his sudden death.  That puts things into perspective real fast.

 
Coming out is a big step for me, and I can't think of a better way to do it than to spend some time with this dear friend.

But Not Shutting Down