After this quote what else is there to say.
Only that even in times of great progress and awareness, something can trigger the ego to take the lead and express feelings in a way that the abusers would do. Most of these left over feelings you thought were resolved and laid to rest.
I have to remember that my feelings aren't me. What abusers did and said wasn't to me per se' - it was to my ego - the part that gets hurt. Kind of like with narcissists (the narcissistic injury) which makes them attack (only they lie).
When I led with kindness only for others and non love and disrespect for myself, my life outside of my husband and children was a great challenge.
It was like I was bait for narcissists. They circled me like sharks - and I was attracted to them because their personality type was so familiar with my "mother" being a narcissist and father a borderline. When they approved of me I was validated. And like with the program, I didn't expect respect from them. You really do teach people how to treat you.
Now, I would place boundaries and show self respect on the first meeting which would send them running immediately for another source of narcissistic supply.
It's good living life without walking on eggshells, backtracking lies, and defending yourself. Leading with a shield you could have described me then as defensive in one word. It is a great relief and holiday I might add, gliding now through life without a shield.
So the last thing I ever was was controlling, but I discovered that we must be controlling of ourselves and our reactions. I must remind myself that what has happened in the past wasn't personal. To be personal, they would have had to destroy my very soul. That space belongs to me. And is me.
I am my soul, my inner child, peace, awareness, and love because by some miracle my heart is not black - or void. It is bigger and brighter than ever before and for that I am thankful.
