Sleeping on Eggshells

You Never saw so Clearly as when you were Reminded of the  Darkness

So I awoke exhausted.  I'd been with the abusive primary family all the night, walking on eggshells like you wouldn't believe.

What is it about me?  I rid these nutcases from my life - the NM NPD and all BPD's, and so NOW I start dreaming of them!

It's not enough that I spent most of my life suffering among the craziness. No.  Somehow it found a way back to me. Still walking on eggshells.  Still dodging the evil looks, abusive language,and  boundary busting behaviors.

In my dream I am working so diligently to please them - trying hard to imagine what they could possibly conjure as triggers, which sets them off on a tangent of tit for tat, splitting, disassociating, boundary busting, accusatory attitude, paranoia, and so on.

What could I do to minimize their reactions to normal life's happenings???  It's so futile.  Nothing is the answer.  I could do nothing to make a bit of difference in their perceptions and crazy making behaviors.

But this is a dream so how do I get out.  At least in life, I can do my best to navigate the abuse and find my safe place to fall and STAY there - but this.  This sucks until I finally awake.

 My back hurts. My head aches.  I'm thirsty.  I'm tired.  I'm remembering mostly the way BPD and NPD abuse boundaries - first in the dream - then in real life.  Much the same.  Much too much unnecessary pain.

BUT.  I do have a choice.  In my awareness, I have a choice whether or not to entertain the dream and all it's painful details. But the best thing about having a choice is not allowing the real life memories to flood in and replay on my innocent, healing mind.

NO.  I will not.