When you Finally stop Forcing Square Blocks into Round Holes...

Imagine if you were forcing square blocks into round holes all day everyday.  It would be frustrating and tiresome.  But at the end of the day at least you would have accomplished the task.  You tell yourself that although it is difficult, you hang in there and do what you are supposed to do.  Yet, you can't help resenting your exhaustion.

Then imagine forcing yourself to learn how to find the square holes and putting the square blocks into them all day.  All of the sudden you realize that yeah, it wasn't fun finding the way, but now that you are here, it's such a breeze.  You are dropping squares all the day without even the slightest effort.

At the end of the day, instead of having to recharge worn and torn muscles and energy, you are available to help someone else find their way.  You can't wait until tomorrow because you have some ideas you want to share, and no second thoughts to hold you back.  And no one is lurking to destroy you or the good you want to do because those types aren't even in your life - you've eliminated them with healthy boundaries.  They simply ran for the hills when they noticed you placing them.

You can't believe that it's actually as easy as all of that.  After all these years swimming against the tide... and THIS is all you have to do.  You want to share it with every person out there still left behind.

Only I have to tell you that there are some who don't care that you are better and don't want to know how you got there - And worse, they are (or they say they are) content stuffing the square blocks into the round holes.

You love them and you only want to help, but unless they are ready, you can forget it and them.  They will tell you that if they wanted your opinion they have would asked, and they resent your wanting to 'help' them.  Furthermore, if you want to stay in contact with them you must be able to take their abusive behavior because after all they've been stuffing squares into holes all day and they are pissed off and hurting.  Your life is a breeze - so you should be able to take it.  They may even add that THEY don't have anyone to do it for them like SOME people.  And if you don't like it YOU can walk away.  It's your problem not theirs.

That has to be okay.  They can, and have to be right.  At least they can have being right.  And that you can give them as you softly walk away.  Notice though as you do, there are no crunching sounds - you left the eggshells behind :)

Getting and staying better for you is crucial, even if it means you have to give up the fond fantasy of having real relationships with primary family members who will not or just cannot do the work to grow beyond infancy in emotional development.