Giving that Person you Care About a Sense of Security with You...... So Important to PTSD Impacted People

Speaking of having the Power.... I haven't felt so powerful as the day I sat my husband down and trusted him with my heart, feelings, mind, and soul - concerning a family dispute of sorts.

I mean, at first I was afraid.  I experienced that old ingrained fear of love being taken from me for speaking my mind.  For opening my heart and soul to the most important person in my life.

Funny, I knew he would always love me.  But feeling and knowing are two different things.  And those learned forever feelings - threats - ... from birth that you are to be last, and if you ever express the desire for better, you will pay with rejection.  Bigtime. - Just never goes completely away.  They creep up from the pit of your stomach with the onset of such a discussion.  And they teater there weighing back and forth whether or not an instant wall of protection will be needed as I speak ever so gently.

I did speak.  My husband listened.  I began to sit up straighter.  He cocked his head and pondered, concerned.  I spoke more freely and clearly.  He offered an opposing point of view.  I listened.  He agreed I was mostly correct, and that the situation needed to be corrected.  My position in the family needed to be reinforced and supported as second from his mother - and first in our home.

I took a deep breath, stretched my arms and back, and smiled.

We know first hand the value in supporting each other as husband and wife, first.  Allowing anything or anyone to wedge between this bond is the farthest from our desires - as it is from our creator.  Knowing this before the conversation is so different from feeling it now as I do.

So, you see, I was vulnerable for him - just as I had been for my whole family of origin at different points in my life.  Only difference is, each and every one of them (FOO) destroyed me - or the me I was - with their borderline and one of them psychopath reactions to any conflict, disturbance, or boundaries of any kind.

I am 52 years old.  And this was the very first time in my life I was able to trust someone with my vulnerability, coming out supported and stronger.  52 years of floating out there alone with my thoughts and desires. So afraid to express.  Hoping not to be too destroyed.

Most people aren't borderlines and psychopaths so I wasn't always destroyed. But, to communicate without fear is just an amazing thing.  I can't believe I didn't learn this years ago.  This should all have been learned before marrying and having children.  It's by the grace of god I have my good husband and my three terrific kids.  I know I could have done a better job for them had I gotten this far with this healing years ago.

I have this now.  And I'm going to continue to use it.  The power of communication without fear.  Amazing.