Borderlines are Honest and say things as they are - so when they learn of their condition they want to get better and begin the healing process - Then you will see them again - Loved Ones Are Worth Waiting for....

Wook-A-Wike Fwiends

So I heard from my loved one today who was estranged for a year now.  I knew that all I could do about the problem was to change myself and keep getting better.

I waited for her to come to the realization that maybe she did have some ownership - and for her to come to me with just such a letter as she wrote today.

I'm so proud of her for working diligently to get better despite the difficult road which is before her.

She wants happiness and she's willing to reach out for it - That just makes my heart sing.  She's learning to trust.  To care.  To believe.  To hope.  I so wanted this for her.

I have written about her at nauseum in this blog searching for answers, concluding that borderline personality disorder best describes the behavior I witnessed over the last three years especially - and also since she was a teenager.  I also would qualify as having quite a few borderline traits, also.  Not an easy road to hoe.  But possible and so worth it.

The black and white thinking... I was big on that for a lot of years.  My work over the last four years has really shown me my own issues and how to overcome them.  It is a work that I believe will never end.  I will forever be in the process of healing from being the daughter of a psychopath mother and a borderline father.  But, it IS possible to get better.

Last I knew, this family member wasn't interested in getting better.  Inner-child work was a turn-off - but now I think she understands it's an essential first step.  The knowing of yourself, trusting yourself, loving yourself, and being kind to yourself is the only way to begin the process of healing.
That inner child must be healed first.  She was mistakenly thinking that she would have to revisit all of the past torture of her childhood, but that is not the case.  It is about taking care of the child you and your "caregivers" neglected up until this work began.  Then, moving on to how you respond as a whole person to others' actions and deeds.  Becoming present.  Understanding.  Listening to understand.  Boundaries.  Learning to set and respect boundaries.  This is what the work is about.

I was so pleased that she is giving herself the chance to once and for all get better.  AND that she kicked that abusive ex to the curb, FINALLY!!  I think for sure it's for good this time.

She would still have to be aware of co-dependency, trust issues, boundaries, and honesty with herself and her new significant other.  But, one thing at a time.  She says she's happy.  The person is kind to her.  She's learning about boundaries, and that's a great place to start.

Yes.  Loved Ones are Certainly Worth Waiting For!!  I knew she would come through for herself.  I just knew it.

We are not looking to rekindle our relationship any further than correspondences now.  Knowing that the both of us are healing at different rates - it is all some of us can do to deal with one relationship at a time.  Maybe in the future, we will even see each other again for an afternoon, both of us healthy and healing.  That day I'm sure will come.  One day.  Even if it's five years from now, it will be lovely.