To Answer the Question: Why can't Borderlines Allow Love?

But Dustie accepts  Love

A reader recently asked why borderlines can't allow love.

Coming from a family of them, I can tell you that most don't even know what real love is or feels like.  They have a distorted definition for love, and even their own definition creeps them out.

Borderlines don't trust.  Hence they cannot love or allow one to love them.  Borderlines don't believe people who love, are in love - and or love them.

The feelings that are exposed or touched on when one shows love are distorted to creepy and uncomfortable for the borderline, and so the first thing a borderline is driven to do when one shows them genuine love is to push them away by punishing them.

Most borderlines were not ever really loved by their primary caregivers - (mothers) as infants - hence their emotional retardation to infancy.

An infant screams and kicks, but many times the reason for doing so isn't apparent, and the same with the adult borderline.  The neglected infant doesn't get what they are screaming for, and the borderline can never be satisfied.  Whether or not they are cared for as adults, borderlines although no longer neglected, behave and react as if they are - and everyone is the enemy.  For a time one can be what one of my borderlines calls a "prince", which means they are "for now" being terrific in the eyes of the borderline.  Then the devaluation begins.  The prince becomes a frog, and the borderline rages either to herself or others, and lists a dozen tit for tat reasons to run the person out of her life.  (They do this by punishing, raging, swearing, and making it impossible to be with them).

You see love to a borderline becomes a cycle of wonderfulness, judgement, devaluation, and destruction. It is way easier to be avoidant.  They will call themselves a simpleton - or a person not too interested in the details of a others' lives or their relationship.

Borderlines cannot return love so avoiding real love is best for them.  They are emotionally bankrupt and on overload all at the same time.  Love is none of those things.  If you spend time with a borderline, you will see that they are only capable of giving emotionally very very little.  There is nothing left.  It looks like they don't care about you, their family, pets, or anything, - BUT it's not that - They CAN'T care anymore than than bit that you see briefly.  They just can't.  They will go to bed.  For a walk.  To work.  Anything to avoid having to be loving and caring - even for sick pets or family members they claim to "love".

It is very sad.  But, there is hope.  If they choose to get better, help is available.

I hope that answers the question about borderlines not allowing love.  I hope you can keep your boundaries and remember to do for and care for yourself.  And don't take it personally that your borderline doesn't love you.