Keeping Peace in your Life and in your Mind Sometimes seems Elusive....

There is so much to be happy and to feel peaceful about.  Life can be so good.  No matter the obstacles, somehow peace falls all around us - and happiness returns.

I guess it's the obstacles that make it seem elusive, but without them, we would all be less developed in every way.

Sometimes having seen some of the awful things one sees within a full lifetime, even the memories become obstacles.

Especially frightening for me was the beady eyes of disturbed family members.  I saw it in my father and both sisters.  The look is one that goes right through you.  Makes you almost pee your pants. It's a shark-eyed glare (dead stare) - kind of if looks could kill, I'd be dead for sure.

The scary part about the three of them doing this is it was always when I wasn't doing anything - just being there. Just being alive.  Makes you feel hated and confused and SCARED.  

I've come to learn that stare is a borderline trait.  It's what they are thinking of you - their delusion at the time.  You are too loving, kind, close, etc.  Or they are devaluing you.  Now you are untrustworthy, irresponsible, hated by them - They want you GONE.  They will escort you out.  I've seen that done, too.  It's so weird.  Passive aggressively, of course.  The NM told them some lie about you (i.e.  "She thinks this of you" or "She said this about you") and they believe it.  Borderlines always believe the Narcissist's lies right off the bat.

Experiencing that from people who you love and care about is traumatic.  I've spent years recovering over those creepy glares AND years learning why they did it.  Funny once you know this and finally learn what it is life has been trying so diligently to teach you - you can progress beyond that point in your own healing and emotional growth.  Pretty rapidly too.

So when we have those memories rush back, I guess we should let them wash over us in moment of yuck, and then make that all important choice to move onto something else.  Or to remember something else instead.  Someone else.

I like to have a talk with one of my kids or my husband.  They always make me laugh and remember what it is that's so good about life.  Of course, we can't forget my precious pets - Bunnie, Dustie, and Birdie.  They make me smile hundreds of times throughout the day.

Dear God I hope I haven't done that dead eyed creepy scary glare stare to anyone.  I know I have spent years working on any residual borderline like traits - and that surely would be one.  It has been a number one priority of mine for years now to grow everyday emotionally, and to END passive aggressive behaviors.

Time is getting shorter as the days go on, but now that I am so much healthier - there is way more real living left to do...

Life without NM's and Borderlines is such a blessing.