I don't know quite why yet, but for some reason I cannot add photos on my blogposts anymore. So blogposts will look different until I can figure it out. In the meantime, here is the post about Borderlines and Body Language as promised when a recent follower asked for a discussion on the subject.
The greatest of the body language cues are facial expressions and this article is a discussion about Borderlines and how reality is distorted, often beginning with a person's facial expression.
First of all, the Borderlines emotions are dysregulated because they lack the Super Ego. Borderlines are nearly all ID. So, often they are operating from a primitive place within their brains, where emotions are concerned. This is the reason they often presume and actually believe one is planning to abandon them over the slightest change in a relationship. What they fail to realize or even try to see, is that all relationships change and evolve.
When a Borderline sees your facial expressions, they often misread them - jumping right to the conclusion that you are annoyed, angry, mocking, and or planning to leave. This causes a chain reaction for the Borderline who feels anxious, angry, helpless, rageful, and the great need to CONTROL YOU and everything in his/her life.
The Borderline may accuse you of being sassy or difficult, when you are commenting in normal conversation. Like the Narcissist, when you place boundaries, the Borderline experiences a Narcissistic injury of sorts, and may even say, "Who are you to be condescending to me?" They don't seem to process what is taking place correctly. You are now difficult, but you still want to either have the boundaries in place or to not physically be in contact with the Borderline any longer.
Boundaries are a healthy part of all relationships, but here, they are viewed as a threat or a confrontation.
When boundaries are in place, controlling and micro managing behaviors on the part of the Borderline or anyone, are likely to be less and or non-existent. Still with a Borderline, you find yourself walking on eggshells even as you gently stand your ground, stating the boundaries. Then as surely as you will be asked - you also find yourself explaining why you must put these boundaries in place. (You don't like to be manipulated, micro managed, and controlled). The Borderline is defensive and in denial. There, according to the Borderline, is NO reason for you to have any boundaries.
You are puzzled and your face looks quizzical. The Borderline sees anger and even rage. Then he/she jumps to experiencing the real feelings of abandonment. You have already left them as far as the Borderline is concerned and he/she treats you accordingly. Your facial expression changes to concern, and now, according to the Borderline, you are condescending. It is a losing proposition.
All you can do is work on yourself,. Discover what it is about you that attracted a Borderline into your life, and learn from the experience. Continue to place these boundaries with everyone in your life and even those not in your life. Everyone you interact with must come to know that you are not a doormat, nor are you going to allow anyone to control you.
If it is your normal way to be kind and understanding - do not stop being yourself just because a Borderline doesn't trust. This is who you are and you are not going to be less than you are because of the insecurities of a Borderline or anyone. Be kind, place the boundaries, and keep the boundaries.
Stop walking on eggshells. Refuse. Place boundaries. Keep the boundaries. Dismiss the Borderline's irrational behaviors. Walk away if they refuse to respect you and your boundaries. Borderlines who are acting out and refuse council do not respect themselves and will not respect you either - ever. They do not trust themselves and their own discernment and they certainly don't trust you or anyone else.
There are short periods the Borderline thinks they trust, but as assuredly as the year is long, the Borderline will see distrust and disrespect in the person they think they trust, as they mirror themselves - And it is then that they begin to see abandonment issues popping up - bouncing off the neurons of their brain like the ball in a pinball machine.
It is possible for the Borderline to get better and even recover, but they have to want this and believe that it is attainable. They have to love themselves first. Trust and believe themselves next. Take care of themselves all the time. Respect others' boundaries and opinions. Stop jumping ahead and to conclusions. Ditch the fear and negativity.
Seeing beyond the surface and feeling into the depths of their heart and soul is imperative in being present and being real now for the Borderline.
Reflective listening is a good practice for anyone, but especially for Borderlines. Reflective listening and reflective viewing... seeing facial expressions for what they truly are and reflecting what they see is a helpful tool.
If one is missing interpersonal skills in life, then it is essential to gather life skills and tools to take you through all journeys. Without these skills and tools, we are helpless, alone, and dysregulated, and we will reflect this onto every single person with whom we interact. Life becomes one giant struggle when it could be just the opposite if only we learned to love, trust, and believe in ourselves and others.
If you are in a relationship with a Borderline and they want to get better, that's wonderful. It IS possible IF they want it, and do the work. But if they do not, please love yourself enough to let them go. Yes, you will end up abandoning them after all. A self fulfilling prophecy as it were for the Borderline, at last.
And if you are a Borderline, do know that you CAN get well. You can learn these life skills and others will seem to treat you better as your healing progresses. What is happening is you are reflecting a healthier self and self love and respect - a true feeling of trust for yourself and of others. Others will respond accordingly. You will be amazed.
I hope you and or your loved one does decide to do the work and get well.
Check out AJ Mahari online. Her work is amazing and has helped so many recover from this situation.
The greatest of the body language cues are facial expressions and this article is a discussion about Borderlines and how reality is distorted, often beginning with a person's facial expression.
First of all, the Borderlines emotions are dysregulated because they lack the Super Ego. Borderlines are nearly all ID. So, often they are operating from a primitive place within their brains, where emotions are concerned. This is the reason they often presume and actually believe one is planning to abandon them over the slightest change in a relationship. What they fail to realize or even try to see, is that all relationships change and evolve.
When a Borderline sees your facial expressions, they often misread them - jumping right to the conclusion that you are annoyed, angry, mocking, and or planning to leave. This causes a chain reaction for the Borderline who feels anxious, angry, helpless, rageful, and the great need to CONTROL YOU and everything in his/her life.
The Borderline may accuse you of being sassy or difficult, when you are commenting in normal conversation. Like the Narcissist, when you place boundaries, the Borderline experiences a Narcissistic injury of sorts, and may even say, "Who are you to be condescending to me?" They don't seem to process what is taking place correctly. You are now difficult, but you still want to either have the boundaries in place or to not physically be in contact with the Borderline any longer.
Boundaries are a healthy part of all relationships, but here, they are viewed as a threat or a confrontation.
When boundaries are in place, controlling and micro managing behaviors on the part of the Borderline or anyone, are likely to be less and or non-existent. Still with a Borderline, you find yourself walking on eggshells even as you gently stand your ground, stating the boundaries. Then as surely as you will be asked - you also find yourself explaining why you must put these boundaries in place. (You don't like to be manipulated, micro managed, and controlled). The Borderline is defensive and in denial. There, according to the Borderline, is NO reason for you to have any boundaries.
You are puzzled and your face looks quizzical. The Borderline sees anger and even rage. Then he/she jumps to experiencing the real feelings of abandonment. You have already left them as far as the Borderline is concerned and he/she treats you accordingly. Your facial expression changes to concern, and now, according to the Borderline, you are condescending. It is a losing proposition.
All you can do is work on yourself,. Discover what it is about you that attracted a Borderline into your life, and learn from the experience. Continue to place these boundaries with everyone in your life and even those not in your life. Everyone you interact with must come to know that you are not a doormat, nor are you going to allow anyone to control you.
If it is your normal way to be kind and understanding - do not stop being yourself just because a Borderline doesn't trust. This is who you are and you are not going to be less than you are because of the insecurities of a Borderline or anyone. Be kind, place the boundaries, and keep the boundaries.
Stop walking on eggshells. Refuse. Place boundaries. Keep the boundaries. Dismiss the Borderline's irrational behaviors. Walk away if they refuse to respect you and your boundaries. Borderlines who are acting out and refuse council do not respect themselves and will not respect you either - ever. They do not trust themselves and their own discernment and they certainly don't trust you or anyone else.
There are short periods the Borderline thinks they trust, but as assuredly as the year is long, the Borderline will see distrust and disrespect in the person they think they trust, as they mirror themselves - And it is then that they begin to see abandonment issues popping up - bouncing off the neurons of their brain like the ball in a pinball machine.
It is possible for the Borderline to get better and even recover, but they have to want this and believe that it is attainable. They have to love themselves first. Trust and believe themselves next. Take care of themselves all the time. Respect others' boundaries and opinions. Stop jumping ahead and to conclusions. Ditch the fear and negativity.
Seeing beyond the surface and feeling into the depths of their heart and soul is imperative in being present and being real now for the Borderline.
Reflective listening is a good practice for anyone, but especially for Borderlines. Reflective listening and reflective viewing... seeing facial expressions for what they truly are and reflecting what they see is a helpful tool.
If one is missing interpersonal skills in life, then it is essential to gather life skills and tools to take you through all journeys. Without these skills and tools, we are helpless, alone, and dysregulated, and we will reflect this onto every single person with whom we interact. Life becomes one giant struggle when it could be just the opposite if only we learned to love, trust, and believe in ourselves and others.
If you are in a relationship with a Borderline and they want to get better, that's wonderful. It IS possible IF they want it, and do the work. But if they do not, please love yourself enough to let them go. Yes, you will end up abandoning them after all. A self fulfilling prophecy as it were for the Borderline, at last.
And if you are a Borderline, do know that you CAN get well. You can learn these life skills and others will seem to treat you better as your healing progresses. What is happening is you are reflecting a healthier self and self love and respect - a true feeling of trust for yourself and of others. Others will respond accordingly. You will be amazed.
I hope you and or your loved one does decide to do the work and get well.
Check out AJ Mahari online. Her work is amazing and has helped so many recover from this situation.
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