I was being devalued for about 8 months before I walked away from my last borderline.
You know it has arrived when your Borderline begins passive aggressively letting you know that you have become the enemy. You have gone from angelic, intelligent, and ALL good - to worthless, stupid, untrustworthy, and resented.
They transcend from passive aggressive to micro managing controlling monsters, and onto just plain overbearing in your face provokers and complainers.
When that doesn't get a rise out of you, they storm around the place screaming under their breath, cursing your very existence. They actually think you cannot hear them. Borderlines are delusional.
You are now someone the borderline must convince themselves needs to be first punished (usually for a kindness which is interpreted as too close for comfort) and then eliminated. Oh, not to worry, you will be called back when the borderline cycles back to wanting you - needing you - having to have you somewhere in their life.
It feels confusing. It feels really bad. You find yourself at first, and for quite a while walking on eggshells to please their every thought and mood. Inevitably, you fail as it is impossible to read their mind - and even if you could - what you do to improve things for them and the "relationship" will be misconstrued by the borderline and you will be further punished.
If you have been totally honest with them, they will invent in their own minds something that you did or said to them that was dishonest. You can have the FBI and CIA here to explain they are mistaken and they will remain steadfastly sure you are now untrustworthy.
When in the relationship you discover that you cannot tell them everything that is on your mind or is happening, even, because of their overblown reactions, you know something is gravely amiss. When you notice yourself withholding certain things from them just to avoid them reading into and inventing negativity, you are dealing with a big problem. You can't keep telling yourself that it's going to get better when they stop over reacting. That never happens. In fact, as the relationship grows, they become worse.
If you have made the mistake of sharing incidental things with them and suffered the resulting wrath from their ridiculous reaction, you feel deflated and abused. You feel like you cannot respond because it will only make them worse and abuse you more. If you do, they will tell you how stupid you are, how worthless you are, and how annoyed they are that because of you such and such "could" possibly happen - and THAT would be disastrous to them. Of course no such thing ever happened or would have - these folks are really ill. You begin to feel sick, yourself if you remain much longer.
The only person who remains, leaves, and then returns is someone who is co-dependent with issues of their own. Somehow this borderline meets some need in them. If things are feeling like this for you. Do yourself a favor and find peace by getting out and finding yourself. Find out why you spent time being abused by this borderline - and do whatever it is you need to do to fix this in yourself.
I've been doing just that for many years now, and believe me it is worth it knowing what make us choose sick people and what it is about us that attracts them. Then doing everything possible to change that about me. It's been a long, long road.
If it weren't for my normal husband and children, I don't know where I would be with all of this now. But I know one thing - if I were really sick, I would have pushed them all away. And we are all still here - so it is possible to get better, be better, and stay better.
But that's how it feels when the devaluation period of the borderline begins. I need to write a post about how it feels to be free of so much negativity. How it is to never EVER have to walk on eggshells, read minds, or be berated and cursed.
It's WONDERFUL.
Do yourself a favor and GET OUT of your borderline relationship. It feels great!
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