Walking away is the safest most healthy decision IF the borderline in your life isn't your mother. My mother is a Narcissistic Psychopath (I know redundant), and so along with having no choice but to go NC, it doesn't matter to HER because she literally doesn't and cannot care. But, the Borderline cares :(
The borderline mother is an infant in constant need which can NEVER be good enough or satisfied. Walking away from her seems cruel since you would never do this to a baby. Especially your own mother - who could do such a thing?...
You have to. She will care but her caring fluctuates and you can never keep up with her cycling anyway. Take comfort in the times in her cycling that she is devaluing you. That will be almost always anyway.
See to it that she has basic needs met - stay as NC as possible. Become the robot she was raising you if you must see her briefly. If she wants help and you can afford it - pay for it for her. Don't however get involved. It is very unusual that a borderline would really want to get better for the right reasons and then actually attempt it and further - Actually DO it. Nearly impossible especially if the borderline is over 45.
Take care of yourself first now. Be respectful. Keep your boundaries. Ditch the fear. Know that it doesn't matter if she loves you - because to her she hasn't learned what to do with feelings of love yet. She still only demands, provokes, and complains. And pushes others away.
Know that everything she thinks and feels isn't real. So everything she tells you isn't probably true or reality based. That may be the best advice here for you.
It doesn't matter what really is or was - she will refuse to see it EVER. Let go of what could have been. Nothing else could ever have been because your mother is a borderline.
Go on with what still can be for YOU. I hope this helps some. Hugs, kat
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