It is only those who are too proud to reflect on what they've said and done that do not evolve. They are the same dead souls today they were decades ago, and will likely be the same until leaving this earth.
When a soul is dead it doesn't have to tell the truth, follow the rules, work, get a meaningful education, care about others, or contribute to the world. It is a tiring existence, and awful to be around such toxicity.
Before I was awakened, my life was a struggle. You all know I come from a family of narcissists and borderlines so it's no surprise that I had so many destructive traits to combat in this recovery. I carried more of the borderline traits, but I was aware of most of them, the ones I wasn't yet aware of had to be seen, observed, and fixed. Hence my struggle. Learning how to shed them has been the best thing ever!!
Finally, it seems there is the time and space in my life to do so. Those things are so needed to truly heal from narcissistic and borderline abuse and the resulting PTSD. You can skate along in your youth carrying these disabilities and still squeak by, but as you age it becomes heavier and heavier until it is impossible to carry anymore.
You have to place boundaries in your life everywhere first. If you've come from something similar to what I have, you were conditioned that you aren't allowed boundaries because others won't like you for placing them. This is leftover from the narcissists. They didn't like you when you placed a boundary - but others who aren't narcissists will respect you for doing so.
You have to check your own boundaries (respect others' boundaries) and that's a part of learning to love yourself. Luckily somehow you do know what real love is and so you are able to do this - Unfortunately, so many abused children grow up to never know true love. Conditional love is not any kind of love. It is quasi, temporary acceptance.
But after the self love and boundaries you learn from there. Ekhart Tolle has taught me to step back from my own feelings and emotions in order to observe them. Once you learn to observe what is happening and why you are feeling such a way, it is natural to react quietly and comfortably to almost any situation.
If your mind races (I used to call this the mindtrap), you can step back from that also. Let it go on and remind yourself they are thoughts but you have a choice to entertain them or to go on with your day.
I choose to live in the present and enjoy my life while still writing about how I got here. This is giving back to others who are still struggling, and helping others and myself who are where I am right now.It is healing to write about what has happened in our lives and what is happening now.
I can't thank you all enough who have read my blog over the years and come along with me on this journey. It can only keep getting better.
Conflict in life is inevitable, especially for us who tell what has happened and have gone no contact with some or all of our family of origin. This is okay. It is a part of life for us, and a big part in our recovery. We may be NC but they can choose to appear. Conflict is a chance to practice what we have learned. The more crazy and obnoxious they are the more opportunity for us to learn to react properly and reward ourselves for not feeling one ounce of anxiety!! Those days are over as I told the NM (narcissistic mother) three or four years ago. Not sure which because frankly I finally don't care.
It seems really nice to be free of every toxic individual that was circling my life for so many years. They are surely circling each other (those who are speaking) toxically now because they never ever stop. You can bang your head against the wall until you are almost dead trying to get "loved ones" to understand how toxic they are and the relationship is, but they will see you dead before they will admit to a mirroring of their behavior. They are not at all interested in getting well.
I left and took my power with me. There was one more narcissist who was not in my family or family of my family that I needed to deal with and I must say, I did it!! And it was much easier than the first time going NC with my FOO.
You deserve to take your power back too!! If you have, congratulations!! If you are working through it, keep reading and keep taking really good care of yourself. That's so key. You were taught that you didn't matter and somewhere deep inside you believe this, but it's a lie.
The last thing is that in doing all of this you will naturally stop attracting narcs in your life. You will attract only normal people from then on. And that's the best part!!
Peace friends
1 comment:
So I had to change everything on my blogspot page and remove myself from google plus because a narcissist from my family found it and maliciously bombed the comments for days. He and his married livin girlfriend. I never read a single one after the first comment, but it was getting out of hand. I saw my followers and loyal readers posting comments also and google plus ing my posts in an attempt to combat the comments. Narcissistic injury is toxic and generates negativity that permeates everything it comes into contact with - It's best to ignore. When ignoring fails, get out. It's not worth the negativity being on your blog or near your life.
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