Once was Blind but now can See

Reflection is a gift - an ongoing chance to grow, evolve, and to become.

It is only those who are too proud to reflect on what they've said and done that do not evolve.  They are the same dead souls today they were decades ago, and will likely be the same until leaving this earth.

When a soul is dead it doesn't have to tell the truth, follow the rules, work, get a meaningful education, care about others, or contribute to the world. It is a tiring existence, and awful to be around such toxicity.

Before I was awakened, my life was a struggle.  You all know I come from a family of narcissists and borderlines so it's no surprise that I had so many destructive traits to combat in this recovery.  I carried more of the borderline traits, but I was aware of most of them, the ones I wasn't yet aware of had to be seen, observed, and fixed.  Hence my struggle.  Learning how to shed them has been the best thing ever!!

 Finally, it seems there is the time and space in my life to do so.  Those things are so needed to truly heal from narcissistic and borderline abuse and the resulting PTSD.  You can skate along in your youth carrying these disabilities and still squeak by, but as you age it becomes heavier and heavier until it is impossible to carry anymore.

You have to place boundaries in your life everywhere first.  If you've come from something similar to what I have, you were conditioned that you aren't allowed boundaries because others won't like you for placing them.  This is leftover from the narcissists.  They didn't like you when you placed a boundary - but others who aren't narcissists will respect you for doing so.

You have to check your own boundaries (respect others' boundaries) and that's a part of learning to love yourself.  Luckily somehow you do know what real love is and so you are able to do this  -  Unfortunately, so many abused children grow up to never know true love.  Conditional love is not any kind of love.  It is quasi, temporary acceptance.

But after the self love and boundaries you learn from there.  Ekhart Tolle has taught me to step back from my own feelings and emotions in order to observe them.  Once you learn to observe what is happening and why you are feeling such a way, it is natural to react quietly and comfortably to almost any situation.

If your mind races (I used to call this the mindtrap), you can step back from that also.  Let it go on and remind yourself they are thoughts but you have a choice to entertain them or to go on with your day.

I choose to live in the present and enjoy my life while still writing about how I got here.  This is giving back to others who are still struggling, and helping others and myself who are where I am right now.It is healing to write about what has happened in our lives and what is happening now.

I can't thank you all enough who have read my blog over the years and come along with me on this journey.  It can only keep getting better.

Conflict in life is inevitable, especially for us who tell what has happened and have gone no contact with some or all of our family of origin.  This is okay.  It is a part of life for us, and a big part in our recovery. We may be NC but they can choose to appear.  Conflict is a chance to practice what we have learned.  The more crazy and obnoxious they are the more opportunity for us to learn to react properly and reward ourselves for not feeling one ounce of anxiety!!  Those days are over as I told the NM (narcissistic mother) three or four years ago.  Not sure which because frankly I finally don't care.

It seems really nice to be free of every toxic individual that was circling my life for so many years.  They are surely circling each other (those who are speaking) toxically now because they never ever stop.  You can bang your head against the wall until you are almost dead trying to get "loved ones" to understand how toxic they are and the relationship is, but they will see you dead before they will admit to a mirroring of their behavior.  They are not at all interested in getting well.

I left and took my power with me.  There was one more narcissist who was not in my family or family of my family that I needed to deal with and I must say, I did it!!  And it was much easier than the first time going NC with my FOO.

You deserve to take your power back too!!  If you have, congratulations!!  If you are working through it, keep reading and keep taking really good care of yourself.  That's so key.  You were taught that you didn't matter and somewhere deep inside you believe this, but it's a lie.

The last thing is that in doing all of this you will naturally stop attracting narcs in your life.  You will attract only normal people from then on.  And that's the best part!!

Peace friends

With a Hop Skip and a Jump... Moving Forward: The Overt Malignant Narcissists Comment Stands we...

With a Hop Skip and a Jump... Moving Forward: The Overt Malignant Narcissists Comment Stands we...:  Writing a blog like this you are bound to get a narcissist or two leaving malicious comments.  I KNOW WHO AND WHAT THIS PERSON IS WHO IS ... AND NOW THANKS TO HIM... YOU ALL DO.  REREAD POST

With a Hop Skip and a Jump... Moving Forward: The Overt Malignant Narcissists Comment Stands we...

With a Hop Skip and a Jump... Moving Forward: The Overt Malignant Narcissists Comment Stands we...:  Writing a blog like this you are bound to get a narcissist or two leaving malicious comments.  That's fine.  I never delete them.  T...

The Overt Malignant Narcissists Comment Stands well Enough on it's Own / I Never Delete

 Writing a blog like this you are bound to get a narcissist or two leaving malicious comments.  That's fine.  I never delete them.  This gives you a chance to see for yourself how it works with them.  They never fail to hit on every single trait for narcissism as they comment on.

They start with the almighty denial and end with the accusations.  And they never forget to throw in the righteous indignation.  Their accusations are pretty steadily "craziness and incoherence" - never fails.

Tell a narcissist the truth and it doesn't look good.  The fall out is always the above.  Always.

Oh, how did I forget the projection!!  All of their accusations and defensive posture is putting onto you what and who THEY are.

Best part of all of this is you are NOT a narcissist if you are an empath seeking knowledge and awakening!!  And life is so much brighter when you just remove them from your life.

You will notice that I ignore the narcissistic comments more often than I engage.  They stand well enough on their own and the narcissist is too proud to even be aware that he/she is lying before you every single narcissistic trait for you to understand and learn more about them.

So, when you come across a post with such comments ...  consider the source/s.  They never travel alone.  They bring their trolls and flying monkeys along and even say so in the comment.  You can learn so much from these folks if you happen to come across them.  But in real life I recommend avoiding trying to learn directly from them.

THE NEXT DAY:

Well, told ya.  Doesn't take long...  Here he is already.  You can see him in the comments here AND IN THE GOLDEN CHILD POST.  I'm not bothering to read them.  I said all needs be already.  Just consider this particular malignant narcissist was raised by two covert narcissists.

They raised him on drugs and without a solid home for his formative years.  I drove all the way to Florida to see this child (now in his 30's) and his baby brother only to find them living in a campsite running around with knives without supervision.  "Parents" were high on drugs and alcohol and really totally unavailable to parent children. This, his mother told me, was how it remained until she found religion.  Notice I don't say God.  She found herself struggling as these children grew unschooled and needed help from the community.  They taught her to for the first time in her childrens' lives place some boundaries and discipline.  For one child (this one) it was too late, and for the other it worked. For these reasons, I can't totally blame him for becoming a narcissist, but for being proud of it and wanting to remain so cruel in his thirties I have no feeling whatsoever.

We ended up leaving, driving all the way back up north just shaking our heads.  It was a very disturbing sight.  My other sister went to visit and left also with the same story - couldn't take it.

This Louisa he talks about, and even though I haven't read the comments (3 I think my dashboard says), is his livin lover and from what I have seen of her personally, is just as dead asleep as he is - total unawareness.  Not really impressed with anything she has to say or he says she says, but I guarantee he brought her in on these comments.  She is his toadie, flying monkey, and main support system.  Without her he'd need to seek out another to sustain himself.

Like all narcissists, he's so arrogant, I'm sure though I don't need to point this out.  However, I'll give him that he has a good imagination and some writing skill.  Had he an education, he could have ended up a successful narcissist.

Read it and learn ....

THESE COMMENTS ON THIS POST AND THE GOLDEN CHILD POST ARE LIKELY NARCISSISM AT IT'S FINEST.  LIES, DENIAL, PROJECTION, AND THE CRAZY CARD.

Pretty sure I can say the above without even reading the comments.  I know who the person is, and I know what he is.....  Now you all do.

BOTTOM LINE:  Don't engage them.

I just celebrated my 29th wedding anniversary, it is two days away from Spring, and continuing plans for traveling throughout the rest of this year.  There's too much beauty in the world to be exposed to toxicity.

We always have a choice.

Moving on.  Still not deleting anything....  Just moving on.

Building Overseas .............

Building our new home in Egypt:  The dogs are guards for the family villa and belong to my sister in law.  The photo shows where they sleep in the day, but they get a lot of exercise and companionship in the early morning hours and when they are on the job.

Next trip I'll be able to show the kitchen and master bedroom as they were busy with workers when we took these shots.  But it is a small flat, just perfect for Khaled and me. 

Pinky and me.....................................

The entrance to our new flat.....

Me and Khaled in our den..........

Me in the threshold- wooden door still covered in factory plastic ................

The spare room.....................

Whiskey and me in the courtyard

Especially if you've been working out of your comfort zone, life is just difficult - How to circumvent these feelings for whichever way life is taking you.

And you will dance higher and freer!!  And your little dog will be amazed.  That's the way we began life, and nurtured well, we should have grown even greater from there.

But just this little progress is fine enough!!  Feeling fine and free for the first time is wonderful.  Nothing can compare.

Being loved, really loved is impossible to explain the greatness of the feeling.  But it grows and expands.  With every child, pet, and family memeber - it is even greater.

Of all of this I have to say that NOT walking on eggshells is the best part so far.  You would think it was the wonderful boundless love, but never having to ever walk on eggshells again in life is a gift to which even love cannot compare.

With a Hop Skip and a Jump... Moving Forward: Think before you speak and think before you give a...

With a Hop Skip and a Jump... Moving Forward: Think before you speak and think before you give a...: Do this, but don't take ten years off your life in doing so.  Take care of yourself first so that you can care properly for your chil...